Is that really a viewpoint? (And if it’s in the NYT piece, apologies, but I’m not a subscriber and they’re good at restricting access to non-payers.)

I have followed this topic for the better part of three years because gender identity became a near-daily topic at my kids’ school through some type of administrative “capture” of the curriculum that was never disclosed to, let alone endorsed by, the board, on which I was a member.

Over the previous decade, roughly 0.25% of the high school students were trans. That’s 1-in-400, or three students total. The board conducted an extensive audit of the topic in the curriculum. The mismatch of prevalence in the student body versus prevalence in the curriculum was stunning. The prevalence in the curriculum was underpinned by Learning for Justice’s Social Justice Standards, also neither disclosed to nor ratified by the board.

Among the findings, we learned that we had teachers telling 11-year-old kids they should see themselves somewhere on the gender spectrum other than their natural birth gender, the ninth-grade English class being taken to transgender Romeo & Juliet, pre-teens and teens being pressured to advertise their pronouns and quite a few other gems I can’t recall at a moment’s notice.

As the focus on gender identity intensified, I heard a lot of pushback. And I began paying much more attention to the topic as it gradually found its way into the news more frequently. However, in sync with various posts below, I have never heard anybody assert that trans doesn’t exist, that gender identity doesn’t have a place in the curriculum (albeit minor), that the trans topic is anything other than incredibly difficult for the impacted students and their families, that trans students don’t deserve all the professional help that can be mustered, that trans students shouldn’t be protected from bullying and on and on. There was actually a fairly consistent “there but by the grace of God, go I” under-current to the feedback.

Unfortunately, in the past couple of years, the trans incidence within the student body has tripled or quadrupled. Is that enough to be statistically significant? Probably not yet. But I wonder whether the prevalence of the topic in the curriculum has effectively fostered larger numbers of impacted students. And I have to imagine social media, including its algorithmic targeting, is a large contributor.

Lastly, it’s important to be aware that trans treatment is a financial honeypot for some medical providers. I have seen estimates that the lifetime trans-related medical expenses for a single individual can fall into the $1-2 million range. There will, of course, be some element of the medical community that is quite enthusiastic about promoting that revenue stream.

You might just be too emotionally involved to serve on your board.

First, I’m not emotional about the topic. Second, I didn’t go proactively looking for it. Third, I’m in agreement with what you have espoused here about love and support for children and families directly encountering the topic.

But say it unexpectedly becomes a prominent topic at a school where you are on the board?

How would you assess whether the complaints about the reorientation of the curriculum are real or imagined?

Do you investigate? Do you assume it’s a political agenda? Do you evaluate whether the focus is in line with the experience that the school has outlined to the community? Do you care whether a reorientation of the curriculum may be diluting the overall educational quality? Do you assume that parents who object to an intensification of the topic are somehow not supportive of children and families facing the issue? Do you feel an obligation to understand the outcomes the reorientation of the curriculum may be producing and which may not be immediately visible? Do you do nothing and simply wait for aggrieved parents to go to the education regulator and take a spin on how that may work out?

Real questions ….

I’ll reiterate my starting point in my first post. Having spent substantial time on the topic in the past three years, I have never — not even once — heard somebody “deny” that trans even exists. I’m sure that exists somewhere but also can’t believe there’s any kind of prominence to that view.

And the school would face a formal rebuke and get double-downgraded on a four-notch scale.

Which actually happened.

Even though the regulator was explicitly in favor of gender identity as a topic but with “proportionate” attention.

Because the school’s leadership had lost the plot. And the board wasn’t as proactive as it could have been, although the head of school was long gone by the time of the rebuke.

So not a great answer, counsel.

Interestingly, your fellow lawyers on the board effectively treated the school as a client and came up with all kinds of rationalizations and justifications for the skewed emphasis on gender identity.

Most of the other board members were much more comfortable weighing up the degree of emphasis on gender identity and concluding it was clearly “disproportionate” without a single one taking a view that there wasn’t a place for gender identity as a topic or that the impacted students and families were due anything other than all the love and support that could be mustered.

Real questions requiring real answers from real adults. On a non-partisan, objective basis.

In your parlance, your response would have earned an “F”.

By a magnitude that would have required a majority, or even nearly all, of the board to resign.

This is not something being done casually or without a lot of discussion and counseling. The first step is hormone therapy, which has begun.

A couple vignettes.

We were meeting with one of the admissions folks during our college tour last summer. The conversation was going as one would expect until my grandkid looked at the admissions person and said "I'm in the process of transitioning from female to male. Will that be a problem on this campus?" Simple, straightforward question, no fuzz on it and no hesitation about asking.

We were driving along and I asked "When I was 10 or so, I found out for sure that I had a very different interest in girls than I did in boys. Did you feel the same?" Answer, "Yes." no fuzz on it. Later conversation was based on this agreement.

We were attending one of the frosh football games back in '22. I watched the opposing team put a very tall, strapping young fellow opposite grandkid on extra points*; grandkid was playing guard**. Strapping fellow knocked grandkid upon his (preferred pronoun) ass repeatedly in valiant, but unsuccessful, attempts to block the kick. No hesitation on grandkid's part about going in for the next extra point. Or the next.



*Beginning with the second extra point attempt. Grandkid's presence on the field had been noted.

**He (preferred pronoun) was moved to center for the 2023 season. I believe, but do not know, that he is getting a bit more playing time.

I’m sure he’s well-supported by family and hope top-caliber medical support is also available.

imagine.

The only place where that support is given grudgingly is football. While his dad is cool with it, his mom (my daughter) has put a "the first time you get hurt" limit on his playing career. After a very difficult concussion episode from playing goalie on the girls soccer team (kicked in the head while fighting for the ball, self-protection never having been a strong suit) before the transition desire was announced, she (my daughter) has a strong, but not airtight, case.

a lot recently. I don't believe in conspiracies, but I do believe in alignment of incentives. In the US, you have a for-profit medical system on one side of the issue, and religious zealots on the other side of the issue. I don't think it's a coincidence that in Europe, where these two factors are far far less influential, that you're beginning to see a much more rapid about-face on treatment protocols for trans identifying kids.

It's also interesting to me that in Europe, lesbian feminists seem to be one of the most outspoken groups on issues like trans women using women's restrooms, playing women's sports, etc. In the US, that group just can't bring themselves to be on the same side of an issue as the religious right.

Although, we did have a few Muslim families that partly objected to the topic on religious grounds.

But even for folks who may have had a religious sub-agenda, the grossly-disproportionate coverage of the topic was enough to lean on. Near-daily, maybe even daily? C'mon, who dreamt up this approach ....

Of course, we had some administrators who responded to any effort to curtail their enthusiasm with "you're just transphobic." For people who want to take that approach, I'm sure the religious right is a convenient bogyman -- sometimes legitimate, sometimes contrived.

And I live in the South. While there may be a few raising a religious objection, they are a relatively small minority.

The obvious objections are things like permanent damage to transitioning minors, the ability of minors to consent, the social contagion problem, teaching small children that they may be the wrong gender, transitioning kids at school without parental consent, biological men in women's spaces, and biological men taking women's opportunities, such as sports.

I suspect that trans activists may use the few who raise religious objections as strawmen to avoid addressing the other issues.

based on religious principles. My take is that the presence of the religious right in US politics makes our left/right culture divide far more polarized than Europe's and makes people less willing to take heterodox positions, publicly at least. For instance, there is a much much stronger TERF (trans exclusionary radical feminist) movement in the UK than the US. "Radical" feminists are obviously very left on most social issues, but in the UK they seem much more willing to break with the left on trans issues than in the US.

lead to more such folks to dissemble less on these surveys?

I know a family whose child has been transgender for 3 years and is now age 5. It is not easy on them but they provide as much love and support to that child as they do to their other children.

A colleague has a child who is in high school who is "fluid". Same approach by the parents.

Third, I have a friend who had his child become transgender as a freshman in HS.

All these kids deserve love and support and to be free from scorn and bullying.

...and competent science-driven medical care built on the value of "do no harm."

Europe is reducing the use of medical transitioning, etc. It's not because of religious opposition, but rather because of scientific evidence that does not support the American approach as it exists today.

Love and support are not always a "yes" as any parent should understand.

that differed from the child's biological gender. Clothes, stating the child's gender, child insisting the parents were dressing the child incorrectly, preference of play activities.

It was a big challenge for these parents, both wonderful and accomplished and successful people and great parents and by no means liberal or what Ralph would call progressive.

They have no immediate plans for any time of surgical procedure, and they have sought and received and followed medical and psychological opinions and guidance.

My large point is that perhaps the anti woke crowd should give these families a break and even some understanding and support and empathy.

I can’t imagine telling my parents that they were dressing me wrong. I don’t think they cared that I liked to read instead of playing with guns.

I dunno, it seems like a stretch at that age but I’m in the dark about a lot of things.

The mom is very cool, her son is tight with my you ger son, she spends a lot of time with her daughter who is classmates w my older son. The father is as involved as he can possibly be given his subspecialty.

Two years ago I was trying to talk to the kid and made assumptions as to the kid's gender and it didn't work out so well. I didn't figure it out for a while. My grade: F.

“I know a family whose child has been transgender for 3 years and is now age 5“

That seems a bit… early

type of societal conditions that people believe are leading to this which would lead me to believe the kid is seeing something in himself or herself.

I dont know anyone who is trans but the gay friends I have are all pretty clear they knew from a very young age.

I think at the end of the day I'm just here to raise my hand, admit I know jack squat, and just try to treat people with respect and dignity, even if I don't fully understand their situation.

At that age, I would agree that society probably isn't doing that (despite the far right boogiemen). It may be parents overreacting, but I'm also not going to backseat parent anyone.

A couple thoughts, if you'll allow me -

- I would think one's knowing if they were gay or straight would be predicated on puberty, wouldn't it? I thought girls were super cootie gross until right around the time my voice started cracking (ok, not exactly, but you get the idea).

- I think the whole idea of gender as a social construct vs actual medical dysmorphia gets conflated a lot. Having to make someone whole (for lack of a better term) medically seems to be a world apart from a kid who decides he likes barbies or gi joes better. We probably place too much emphasis on the latter.


Random anecdote: Bobby Flay asked for an easy bake oven when he was a kid. His dad freaked out, but he turned out fine.



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I believe the Economist writes that studies of prepubertal kids who believe they are Trans show that, if allowed to progress through puberty, they are usually (but not always) glad they did not, and usually (but not always) turn out to be homosexual instead.

That suggests that medicalizing this prepubertally likely causes more harm than good. One major issue is that in the United states, since affirmation is the one allowed response at present, there will not be any advancement in determining who will end up still wanting to be trans vs realizing they actually did not... hopefully Europe advances that science.

In the meantime, any parent who has a child who identifies as Trans would be unable to find someone willing to explore that identity without firmly trying to answer the question for the child. The battle lines are drawn.

in the US? How did that decision get made? What will it take to change that status quo?

While these questions are important for the specific issue of how best to care for prepubertal kids who believe they are trans, I think there are also some lessons to learn from this more generally.

The child identified as a particular gender and chose clothes and toys consistent with that gender.

Was that their families didn't skew more progressive than other families. Normal people trying to fo the best for their kids.

to point her penis down when she said she had to use the bathroom (advice we regularly gave him at that age as he was learning to use the bathroom on his own, which at that point involved sitting down to pee). Not a well developed concept of sex and gender.

Have had five kids who were all 3 at one point, I really struggle to imagine a 3 year old having any developed sense of what it means to be a boy or girl, such that any meaning could be ascribed to one’s expressed desire to dress like or play with toys associated with the opposite gender. Maybe their favorite tv character is the opposite sex and they want to emulate that? Or a friend at day care or preschool who is the opposite sex? I just don’t know how a 3 year old boy could have any developed sense of what it really means to be a boy or girl beyond the most superficial characteristics that he or she can identify at that age. But I certainly haven’t lived that or had any first had experience with it.

Or a girl, biologically.

Does a 3 year old know enough to ask for a sex change?

Can a 3 year old make any rational decisions? I know my kids couldn't.

It seems very early to be making decisions like that. About 15 years early.

who will grow up to be a cisgender gay man.

And I generally agree with the approach of leaving parents and their children to work out what's best with them. But I don't think it's crazy to be concerned about a growing trend in performing life-altering surgeries on minor children when there appears, as suggested in the article, to be scant research in the area and real concerns that it might not be the panacea some advocates suggest. And I think there's a legitimate state interest in protecting minor children from permanent harm, even if their parents are in favor (just as I can't take my 5 year old to go get a tattoo, even if I think it'd make him a happier kid).

Calling people by the name and pronouns they prefer (as I've consistently done with a transgender colleague), showing respect, discouraging and punishing bullying, make reasonable accommodations for bathroom/changing facilities, etc., all fine by me.

…they are in fact experiencing gender dysphoria, but also other issues as an alternative/additional diagnosis.

Why can’t they have both things they deserve?

is pretty scarce, and probably very expensive, unfortunately.

Parents certainly should not be flying solo on these decisions. I think they're pretty complex.