Rematch? Let's do it

When it comes to the BCS, I'm not a big fan of the concept of The Rematch.

And don't interpret that as a push to get ND involved -- they'd have to beat SC by at least two TD's to convince me playing in the NC game is a good idea.

I just don't like the concept that Michigan can waltz into the NC game after losing to tOSU without doing something to counterbalance the loss.

Yes, they beat ND and Wisconsin. That was two months ago. Between then and now, they scraped by Penn State, Northwestern, and Ball State. Not that the Buckeyes didn't have any unimpressive outings, because they did, but we can play that game until we're (maize and) blue in the face.

Usually when you see rematches in other sports, there's been some time to digest and interpret the results, and the loser usually has to accomplish something to get the second bite at the apple. For example, in basketball, the NCAA tries to keep conference members in separate brackets until the Elite 8, and does their best to avoid in-season rematches in the first round (or two, if they can help it). The loser doesn't just step back up to the plate for a do-over.

That's probably how it will be, and one has to reconcile oneself to that fact. There will always be illogic when it comes to resolution of the MNC issues, particularly because it's the discussions those bits of illogic generate that the NCAA wants most of all.

But like George Carlin, I've got a lot of good ideas (and the trouble is, most of them suck). And I've got one here.

If Ohio State wins the rematch, fine. No possible gainsay of them being deserving of a championship.

But if Michigan wins, now you've got a tie. Each team won one game. Logic screams for the rubber match.

I say, give it to them.

An unofficial game, unsanctioned by the NCAA, meaningful only to the people who wish it to be so.

Play it in the dead week right before the Super Bowl.

Try to find a neutral venue that will still draw a crowd. Not sure if Toledo has a big enough stadium to do it. Maybe they could flip a coin between Ford Field and Browns Stadium. The latter might be more fair, as it's more than an hour away from each campus, and it seats 8,000 more people.

(Heck, play it in Notre Dame Stadium. That way when the game is done, we can lock the doors and tear gas the lot of them. But I digress.)

Split the tickets 50-50 between the schools. Televise it on pay-per-view. Have the talking heads at the Worldwide Leader come up with a pithy slogan (given that's all they're good for these days) -- "Border War to Settle the Score", "The Putz vs. the Nuts", "Bo and Woody: The Final Seance", whatever.

All proceeds from all sources -- ticket sales, viewing charges, concessions, etc. -- go directly to charities designated by the schools. Given 73k seats, a couple hundred thousand PPV's sold, and all those Midwestern Protestants eating a lot of cheese fries, that's a pretty healthy payday for some lucky not-for-profit.

There's no loser here. The two fanbases get to yap at each other for a few more weeks, which makes fewer weeks they're bothering the rest of us. The players get one more shot at their rival without missing classes (I know, pretend it matters). Sears Homestores will be able to sell a whole new round of couches. And all in the name of charity.

Never happen -- makes too much sense.