A Modest Proposal

Jenkins went on to announce that, in place of the Columbus murals, the University has commissioned new murals, which depict the origins of the New World in a more modern, non-offensive way.

“The Columbus murals will be replaced by new ones depicting ‘Incident II’, the population of the New World 75 million years ago by Xenu, dictator of the Galactic Confederacy.”

Jenkins went on to describe separate artistic pieces that will bring to life the transport of billions of aliens to earth in a DC-8, their arrangement around active volcanoes, and their slaughter by hydrogen bomb.

“The Administration feels that these colorful, action-filled visuals – volcanoes spewing, bombs exploding, aliens perishing – will more than compensate for their lack of historical factual basis”, said Jenkins. “More importantly, Notre Dame cannot imagine any ethnic or religious group that could take offense to such a display.”