Eff the 9ers.
by potatohouse (2019-01-22 16:31:34)

In reply to: 30 years ago today  posted by jt

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28 years ago Sunday, they step on their cranks and score a measly 13 points in a home loss to the undermanned Giants, capped off by a de-pantsing fake punt and Roger Craig fumble.

Without an opponent worthy of their greatness, the Buffalo Bills, fresh off a 51-3 disembowelment of the Raiders, decide to treat the next dozen days in Tampa as a pre-victory vacation. Kelly, Thurman, and Talley inhale enough blow and stripper glitter to fill a Buick, Bruce gets his BAC to a resting rate of 0.3, and Marv Levy eschews any game planning in favor of getting lost in a week-long Scrabble tournament binge at the Clearwater VFW.

Meanwhile, Jeff Hostetler is visited by the duo of Doug Williams and time traveling Nick Foles, who give him their secrets. Upstart assistant Bill Belichick discovers for the first time a sweatshirt with a hood sewed onto it. He casually slips it on and feels his brain unlock with magic like John Travolta in Phenomenon. LT is at the strip club with Kelly an Co. but had spent the past several years building up an immunity to cocaine and stripper dust and is therefore unaffected.

On January 27, this great domino chain produces the most ridiculous Super Bowl result to date. Young Potatohouse (whose father's consulting work with the NFL netted a few nosebleed tickets) sits in stunned silence as Scott Norwood's kick sails just wide and a sea of blue jerseys swarm the field. An ugly-sweatered tuna is hoisted onto shoulders, the most undeserving MVP this side of Andre Iguodala is crowned, and the Bills (and I) never recover.

Eff the 9ers.

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