You are the "Mayhem" guy in the Allstate commercials.

When I had squirrels in the attic several years ago, I contacted Allstate only to discover they didn't cover the damages. Couple years later, I got raccoons in the attic - I think they got in through the flimsy fixes I'd had made to the squirrel damage. Again, i thought I wouldn't be covered. But about the same time, the Mayhem ad covering raccoon damage ran, and Allstate did cover those damages.

I landed upside down in the Cherry Creek, and my cell phone was lost in the river.

I had to buy a new phone.

The dog died.

I had to get a new dog.

"WHAT???"

This one's still my favorite:

The bar tender said, "Hey! We got a drink named after you!"

And the grasshopper said, "Oh yeah?....Steve?"

The bartender said, "What is this, a joke?"

Damn!

trip to Marshall-Fields.

fresh.

Keebler makes the cookies for the Girl Scouts... or so I'm told.

They have a thicker coat of chocolate and has less of a mint taste. The wafer is also not nearly as crisp.

They were better that, what are now, mint Oreos.

Bakeries would make them with mint icing in the middle.

refreshing!

. . . Repeat several times . . . and you'll be flying soon enough.

Now there's a flier!

I always liked how Thin Mints came in single-serving boxes.

Frozen cookies have less calories. Because they’re cold.

Conversely, melted ice cream has almost no calories. Because it’s not ice cream, less cold.

It’s science.