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Edited on 2020-07-01 21:29:45
In reply to: Paging mkovac. He has the best advice in these cases. * posted by goirish89
Please feel to email me if you wish.
I went through a nasty divorce and my wife decided to marry a guy from Argentina and wanted to take both children to live with her in Buenos Aires. I fought her for custody, and strangely, after having to take both children down to LA for a psychiatric evaluation of my son, daughter, me and the wife, the court split the children up, giving custody of my daughter to my wife and my son to me. My daughter, Laura, decided to come back and live here after three years. She ended up learning to speak Spanish with an Argentine accent.
I would take her to work with me and the ladies at the local Bank of America loved to hear her speak Spanish. They would say, "She speaks like they do on the Argentine tv shows on Unavision!"
I can call you after we exchange emails. I can offer an ear, and sometimes, that's the best thing friends can do: listen.
There are several different aspects to going through a divorce, and the intensity of each can depend on who wants and/or needs the divorce. In my opinion, it's tougher on the person not wanting it.
This is all personal opinion, and not legal advise, based on my own experience and having attended law school.
1. Financial - If you are in a community property state, a family attorney is essential, depending on the length of the marriage.
2. Custody of children if they are under 18. This can get nasty, because the court can declare how much child support the non-custodial parent must pay each month.
3. Spousal Support - This can also get nasty, especially if the spouse seeking support did not work. In California, the party paying support, which can last up to half the length of the marriage until the party receiving support remarries. Or, if the marriage lasted a long time (20 years?), spousal support can (at least it did) last forever (until the party receiving support remarries or goes to the big marital bed in the sky).
4. Emotional Burden - This is a big part of divorce and not something covered by your family law attorney. It's a real gut punch for the party not seeking the divorce, or for the party needing, but not necessarily wanting, the divorce.
5. Physical Burden - Becoming a single parent or even a single person without children all of a sudden coming home to an empty residence takes not only an emotional toll, but a physical one as well. Having to cook for children or yourself (cooking for one sucks), having to babysit children when you are not used to it, not having someone to talk to and the resultant emotional and physical depression that take up residence in your body and your soul can be the hardest part of divorce.
As the only radio talk show psychologist, David Viscott, that I ever respected once said, "People don't split apart: they rip apart." That is so true, at least for the party being left behind. The other party takes part of the other person with them, whether the party being deprived of part of themselves wants to have it taken from them. This is harder the longer the marriage lasted, in my opinion.
- Mike Kovacevich
ND Class of 1970