psychopaths, faux students, players with steroid enhanced man boobs, etc.

Irv can coach 'em up and bring 'em all together. I believe we'd even see OJ back watching practices.

Wait! We talkin practice? Practice!!?

Match made in Hades.

It’s a lock. Swann kept Helton because Urban wasn’t ready to move yet — he has a life-threatening condition of some kind — but by January 2020 Helton is a goner and Urban will be fully mobile.

that pigs and Eleanor Roosevelt could fly.

A naive assumption.

He’s smart enough to pick his spots well. That’s a job with not great fan support and so-so talent currently on the roster. I also think he craves the atmosphere that comes along with college football, and 30,000 empty seats in LA (save the ND game) isn’t that.

If I had to guess — Florida State in two years

At SC, who would be his in-conference competition? Washington? SC has demonstrated it can (should) sustain a national championship contending team in the (relatively) recent past. The talent is available and the university is likely going to be completely submissive to his management, or lack-thereof. I can't think of an easier operation to jump into and play savior.

Season ticket sales are dropping through the floor and they’ve fallen significantly behind in the facilities arms race. It’s no surprise that Jimbo jumped ship as soon as he got a better offer. It’s highly unlikely that FSU could match any financial package that deep-pocketed USC could offer. Meyer to USC is as good a bet as Brian Kelly calling an end zone fade.

when he declares that it was USC -- and not Notre Dame, Florida, or Ohio State -- that was his dream job all along.

Florida and tOSU were the most that his humble heart could fathom.

without any need for pretext. Helton's security is entirely dependent on Meyer's commitment to "retirement".