Empty Set - with apologies to Dr. Seuss

Th empty set - that empty set!
I do not like that empty set.
It fills my heart with deep regret.
Brian, Chuck you must not get
so chummy with the empty set!

I do not like no running backs
which makes us prone to taking sacks.
I do not like such hurried throws.
I pull my hair - my anger grows!

I did not like it under Weis.
It was not used by Tony Rice.
Nor by Beuerlein, Mirer, Kiel,
McDougal, Powlus -- here's the deal:
We used to have a two-back set
and in those days we'd often get
a fullback leading hard the way,
rush for hundreds every day!
But now these yards we do not get.
I do not like the empty set.

Not with five wide
not with three tight
it cramps my side,
my hands squeeze tight.
Not passing on short yardage downs
not messing up like football clowns
I do not like the empty set.
It fills my heart with deep regret.

Tommy boy can read the "D"
but he should be just one of three
backs who line behind the center
so power runs can soon re-enter
Chuck & Brian's book of play
to pound and pound the live-long day
as Irish did in days of yore
when fighting on did score and score
but never in an empty set.
No, never in an empty set.

I do not like the empty set.
It fills my heart with deep regret.