When on Saturday did you realize
Edited on 2015-06-16 15:09:55
that shit would get raw?
A few critical moments:
1. Before we saw the first gold helmet, ND cranked up the Shipping Up to Boston song. I was looking down for a second, as I thought I might have diarrhea, when I felt a bite on my shoulder. My friend had bit me. "We plugged in a fucking smoke machine," he said. His eyes didn't look right, like he'd had a cocktail mixed by Kitty Dukakis. I looked, and there it was. Our final tribute to the Wolverines: ND had dug up and was cremating Bo, right there in the tunnel.
What followed was not typical, either. Here's a view (at 0:59):
Maybe they'd fold under adversity, but this team was coming out weird. Not weirdly. Weird. I will always wonder what Kelly said to them before the game, when the ICON cameras turned off. Had they been given swords (and I am not sure why that would happen), they would have literally murdered Michigan right then and there.
For this night, the smoke machine was inspired. It was a shot of adrenaline and an announcement to the team that the 80,000 had one goal: placing the teeth on the curb. Matters of tradition and decorum would be tabled for the evening.
2. Second quarter -- ND 7, UM 0. Michigan was still moving the ball. They had missed two field goals that Brindza would've made with his other foot, but still, they were moving. Michigan took a timeout, then ND sacked Gardner on the next play to end the drive. By now, it was apparent that Jaylon Smith would be everywhere Michigan looked, and they could do nothing about it.
ND fielded the punt and started at their own 20. In the next 13 plays, Golson went 5-6 (with one drop, I think), and ND marched 80 yards over five minutes. ND 14, UM 0.
We never saw the same Michigan team again. As much as the mastermind Hoke tried to pull the levers -- slapping asses, looking at the sky, farting, burping with his mouth closed, and other moves from the coaching handbook -- they quit. The rest of the night was blood in the water. Our guys were like dogs on the chain before every kickoff, then flooded the end zone after Brinza put the ball in the stands. They bullied Michigan all over the field and beyond.
On Michigan's next possession, they went three and out, leaving 1:24 on the clock. ND scored in 50 seconds, and this contest ended.
3. Third quarter, 3:02 remaining, ND 28 UM 0. With the trial over, the penalty phase begins. I don't remember when ND hit play on Turn Down for What. Let's just assume it was around now. Here's the full sequence, which followed ND's fourth TD of the game:
1st and 10 at MICH 16 Devin Gardner pass complete to Devin Funchess for 10 yds to the Mich 26
1st and 10 at MICH 26 Derrick Green run for 1 yd to the Mich 27
2nd and 9 at MICH 27 Devin Gardner pass complete to Devin Funchess for 33 yds to the NDame 40
1st and 10 at ND 40 Derrick Green run for 1 yd to the NDame 39
2nd and 9 at ND 39 Devin Gardner run for 4 yds to the NDame 35 Devin Gardner fumbled, forced by Joe Schmidt, recovered by NDame Isaac Rochell
Dave Brandon: Why don't you just kill me?
Jack Swarbrick: [smiles behind the most evil beard this side of Michelle Bachmann] Your punishment must be more severe. This is where I learned about despair, as will you. We will destroy Michigan football. Then, when it is done and your team lay in ashes, you will have my permission to die.
4. The entire fourth quarter. Some Michigan fans labor under the impression that under an emotional, heated rivalry lay respect and common ground. We anger each other because we're so much alike! We both want the same things, right? We'll be friends again come Monday.
Please stick around for the next hour, because we need you to feel our malice.
Our team felt the same. ND only scored three more points, but we poured it on in that last quarter. The first-team defense remained on the field, and havoc with them.
5. The final play. Glorious as originally played, even more so for the reversal. I'm willing to pay six points for Max Redfield's going-away present. And when Michigan, a beaten and broken team, came back to witness one more second of despair, they heard no pity. They were booed louder than at the start of the game. What must that have felt like? It was Sally Field's Oscar speech gone bad: "You really hate me."
Correct. Goodbye, forever.