Personal experience with my sister

First and foremost, I am sorry for your loss.

My sister died by suicide in 1996 when she was 27 and I was 25. At first they thought she was murdered but it was determined to be a suicide and I was the one to tell my parents and my other sister the news. 29 years later that memory of delivering that news still haunts me.

From experience, I can tell you that the loved ones will feel guilt. And there is a perceived stigma with having a family member who dies by suicide. My sister was adopted as an infant, and for years when the story of my sister's death came up, I always made sure to say that she was adopted so that people wouldn't start wondering if I too had mental health issues. Fortunately, I have grown past that stage and can now deal with the topic better.

The guilt and sadness take a long time to go away. My experience is that right after a tragic event like this happens, many people step up, and then there is a sharp decline in the support. But the need for support doesn't go away as quickly.

So to answer your question, I suggest being supportive now and for as long as you can be. Be generous with your time with your friend. Time is the most valuable gift we can give a loved one. Even if your friend appears to be doing okay, keep supporting them. The support can be in any way that is needed - reminiscing about the lost family member; crying with them; listening to your friend express their anger over why someone would do this; doing an activity that takes their mind off of the tragedy; or just being present so that your friend isn't alone when they don't want to be alone. The nature of the support will change over time. As with the passing of any loved one, try to get them to focus on the positive memories, but when they need to cry about the sadness, be sad with them, and then help build them back up. I also think it is hard to figure out when to try to answer questions and when to just be there for someone to ask questions to out loud and know that they aren't looking for an answer, they just want to ask the question out loud and not have it living in their head. It can be a tough read of the situation but do your best.

Finally, I would suggest trying to stay in tune with the mental health of the family. If you feel one is slipping and needs professional help, figure out how to encourage them to get professional help.