Imagine the scene
by ndoldtown (December 12,2004 at 01:03:53)
Monday in the Monogram Room - a full crowd of ND supporters and press, an organ plays in the background.
Fr. Jenkins: "Charles, do you renounce the bubble screen?"
Weis: "I do renounce it."
(Scene cut - Kevin White leaving a hotel after a meeting of the National Conference of Athletic Bureaucrats Who Wear Real Estate Salesman Blazers finds himself stuck in revolving door. He looks out and sees a large swarthy man in a pinstripe suit and fedora "Mr. DeBartolo sent me. . . ")
Fr. Jenkins: "Charles, do you renounce 'parity', 'too tough a schedule', 'needing time to upgrade the talent', players not 'executing it the way we drew it up'?"
Weis: "I do renounce them."
(Scene cut - Joe Paterno settling in for his daily rubdown from his brother George and laughing about his comments regarding ND to ESPN. A figure appears in the doorway. Joe can only make out that the man is holding something small black and metallic and notices a gold ring with a blue stone on his finger. He begins to put on his thick bottle-bottom glasses, but only gets them halfway on. . . )
Fr. Jenkins: Do you renounce 'making the players fit the system,' do you renounce the West Coast Offense and all of its empty promises?"
Weis: "Yes, I do renounce them."
(Scene cut: Bill Diedrick had been planning on a trip to the coaches seminar on organizing play charts. Having developed five hundred new plays it was hard to keep them all organized and he was looking forward to the conference. A Notre Dame car and driver was arranged for him. As he settled into the front passenger seat, he noticed Jerome Bettis sitting in the back seat holding a stretched-out "Play Like A Champion Today" towel in his beefy hands. "Bill, you have to answer for twelve yards rushing against BYU")
Fr. Jenkins: "Charles, do you believe in God, the Father almighty, the Holy Catholic Church, Mary, the virgin Mother of God, Knute Rockne, Frank Leahy, the Gipper, Green Jerseys only for big games, Fair¬Catch Corby, the Golden Boy, Bo kicking to Rocket, blue-grey October skies, Wayne the Train, Touchdown Jesus, the Bus, the Comeback Kid, Fling and Kling, the Springfield Rifle, the Crashing Croate, Number-one Moses, Theisman as in Heisman? Do you believe in the miracles: St Ara stopping the rain, parting the Tide and bringing precious gifts of Orange and Sugar, the wind dying before the toe of Blessed Oliver, St. Louis quelling the Hurricane and converting the Seminole, St Jerome gentling the Gator, St. Timothy's two letters to the Spartans, St. Daniel escaping the Trojan's den with his cloak of green, Ismael the Moslem's two epistles to the people of Blue, St. Joseph changing the Chicken Soup into fine Italian wine on the frozen field of Cotton, the Four Evangelists on Horse traversing the meadow of Rose? Do you believe in one Holy, Catholic and Independent team, do you acknowledge no Conference for the forgiveness of mediocrity, do you look to the resurrection of the fullback dive and the life of our team to come? Do you believe in Notre Dame?
Weis:"I do believe."
(Scene cut: Father Malloy has been invited fishing on St. Mary's Lake with John Affleck-Graves. It is a good thing. He thought everyone would never forgive him after selling out ND to the WASP academics and the New York Times at that conference in the Big Apple. "No hard feelings Monk," says JAG. When they get out to the middle of the lake Affleck-Graves says, "Here let me show you my special trick for catching fish. . . " Meanwhile, at the Grotto, Brady Quinn is lighting a candle for the new coach. He is jolted by a loud sound from the lake and a flock of birds scattering. He follows their flight as they rise and he sees the Dome. He smiles.)
Fr. Jenkins: "Charles, would you be Coach."
Weis: "I will."
Fr. Jenkins: Then I name you Head Coach of Football at the University of Notre Dame, In Nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti, Amen."
(Organ music rises)