I probably know who they are.

They play pre-professional very close to campus. You can figure it out.

A dad and I were “corrected” by the AR on our side. There was a pretty clear offside that he allowed to continue (which was the correct call) until the play finished.

One other dad further down the pitch said “off” fairly loud. I simply put my arm up and said nothing.

Our defender eventually outran the offsides player and got there first so play on.

The AR told me and the other dad he would have called it if she got there (which is fine), but I asked shouldn’t you raise your flag either way until the play materializes.

I was told that’s not how that works. He did, for the rest of the game raise his flag when the girls were off, and correctly waited to blow his whistle.

Is the offside flag “optional”? Either way after the stern glare from my wife I went on to just sit and enjoy the game.

The ref was a grown ass man so I didn’t feel as bad about it.

The younger the age group, the lower that threshold. Chasing a ball from an offside position with a defender? At higher age groups and skill levels, we probably wait until they're at least within playing distance. Younger? If they clearly aren't stopping, the guidance is to put the flag up right away.

Part of the guidance revolves around the change 10 years ago - instead of the restart taking place where the offside player was on the teammate touch, it's at the point of impact instead. So the AR is expected to keep moving with play until active involvement, then stop and raise the flag.

Without VAR and comms, if the flag goes up, the referee is going to either a) blow the whistle or b) wave down the flag (for defender touch, or the AR forgetting it was from a goal kick, or something similar).

at least how it is applied. I've seen more than one boy and at least one girl get badly hurt because play doesn't stop and the two players chasing the ball get into a collision and someone doesn't come out of it.

It's why part of our USSF guidance on this is that if you foresee a keeper/attacker collision where the attacker is offside, put the flag up early.

She was several steps off, but the ball was kicked into no mans land. She was off but our defender was able to get to the ball first.

He was waiting to see who got there. And said if the offsides player git there first he would have called it. I was just surprised he didn’t put the flag up to denote it as they played on.

But your explanation makes sense.

There is no signal to indicate that 'yeah we had offside, but defender had the opportunity and time to play and control it without active involvement' other than maybe showing an open palm to the referee.

what coaches do, what parents do, and what parents let coaches do to their children.

Good for you standing up for those kids and deservedly shutting down some ego-filled coaches.

I have been doing my best to spread the gospel of what the NCAA landscape looks like to 2011 and 2012 parents I know. I was smart enough to put a camera in front of my very big mouth for most of my parenting career, but I had my moments as well. On the other side of it? Totally stupid.

My friends who had their girls in eclipse during the Rory days... what they let him do to them... I could tell some stories. Unthinkable.

Honestly, this is not worth what we as parents think it is worth. The clubs keep parents stupid. Show up, shut up, pay up. No one is telling them some important truths about the endgame. Shouting at refs? Yelling at the kid in the car? Fearing the wrath of the coaches? Just disastrous considering the lipservice given to "I love the game" and "My daughter just loves the game"..

For both understanding how to not waste thousands of dollars a year on a dead end, and how to actually treat your kid, their teammates and everyone else involved with the game without bringing shame down upon you from your ancestors.

I was heartened by a moment during a U10 final, though. 1' left in game, attacking team is in the PA while down 2-1, and a defender clears a bouncing ball going toward his keeper. Kicks it right into his own outstretched hand. No deliberate movement, and as per very clear IFAB guidance it is not a handball. Team is local, I know the coach well, great guy. Parents go nuclear, non-stop shouting until I end the game. Looked at coach and he immediately put his hand up and said "don't need to explain it, I know it isn't a handball, I'll take care of it." He had the parents gathered around him after the game for a quick lecture. That's how you do it.

or at least while their kids are young.

On my journey, I took note that ODP parents and lower level club parents complained almost nonstop whereas GA and ECNL parents would not say "as much" but they were bigger assholes about it.

I also have been surprised at how many high school coaches get yellow and red cards compared to club coaches.

Just my own experience - I recognize that all stakeholders except the kids suck.

They tend to be meatheads. The ones who have USSF licenses tend to be much easier to deal with - they not only understand the game better, they also taught to know how negative communication (with players and officials) is counter-productive. We have many HS coaches here with USSF licenses, several are national or close to it.