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It sounds like you're doing a lot of the right things. by RedIrish

You're feeling overwhelmed right now, which is about right, but you will continue to get a better handle on things. To continue to make good decisions, you will need to commit to taking care of yourself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Consider making counseling and/or Nar-ANON a top priority. Get to those sessions or meetings no matter what. Try not to let being tired, overwhelmed, or busy stop you. When you're in a good place mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, you'll have more energy and make better decisions. That will save you time in the long run in addition to giving you inner peace.

There are plenty of mediocre counselors, and plenty of good ones that aren't a good fit. Don't be afraid to look for a new one if you don't like the chemistry or aren't getting what you need out of it. Finding the right fit can make all the difference. Same goes for group meetings.

Your wife is speaking from a place of hurt and fear about your step-daughter, so try not to put too much stock in what she says right now even though it feels like it cuts you to the bone.

Go easy on yourself for not noticing an addiction problem before. Addicts go to extraordinary lengths to conceal their addictions. It's common for spouses to be caught by surprise.

I feel like I'm just barking advice at you, which is not my intention. You're going to have to find your own way with things. And I haven't been through precisely what you're going through, but I know a lot about living with overwhelming pain, dealing with addiction, and overcoming despair. If I stumble across saying one thing helpful to someone else dealing with similar issues, it is incredibly meaningful to me.

This may not be your cup of tea, and I respect that if it's the case, but I want to leave you with this from Thomas Merton: "Only the man who has had to face despair is really convinced that he needs mercy. Those who do not want mercy never seek it. It is better to find God on the threshold of despair than to risk our lives in a complacency that has never felt the need of forgiveness. A life that is without problems may literally be more hopeless than one that always verges on despair."