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I'm late to the thread by maniactranspodriver

First ex-wife of mine had what I believe is borderline personality disorder (never officially diagnosed). Pathological liar and manipulative. So much financial swindling by her was behind my back. Add to it a child together and it was a long and painful process.

Having grown up in a very trusting 2-parent home, the shock of this is something that I will never fully get over. But as others said, find the therapy help for you now. Protect yourself legally and financially. Your mind as you said is flipped around and a mess. Mental health help is essential and don't be afraid to get to take it. Despite movements to destigmatize it as a "weakness," you might feel resistance to seeking it. Mental health counseling may take multiple generations to be generally acceptable. The clearer your head the better you'll be able to process the legal, financial, and child matters. It is going to be difficult but in your post, it is clear you have the sense, tools, and will to see through this for you and your daughter.

My best contribution to you is that for you to know you are not alone. Many of us on NDN were brought up to value what we believe is the "wonderful" 2-parent family, nice suburban house, etc. and often encounter families like in our social circles or demographics. This will be much different for you, as it has been for many of the contributing single parents here, but you will overcome.