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He is so useless by ACross

Saucy: "Look at how fast this train is going! I like riding on it. I even sit in the conductor room. I am glad they let me ride with the guys who are steering this train. I like it that people know I am riding in the room with the conductors".

Observer: "Man, we are picking up speed as this train goes down this steep decline. There is the brake lever. WABCO brakes. Do you think you ought to tell somebody to pull the brake lever?"

Saucy: "No. They might kick me out of the conductors room and make me sit in steerage. I like sitting up here. Looking cool and being awesome. Check out my spectacles. And my fashionable beard."

Observer: "Hey, there is a fork in the road ahead, if we go right, the tracks level off, and we could stop the train from going too fast to stop. Do you think you should tell the conductor, who seems kind of crazy."

Saucy: "No. After we pass the fork in the road, and reach the point of no return, we can tell people there was a fork in the road."

Observer: "Hey, the bridge up ahead has collapsed; unless we stop this train now, we will hurtle into a deep gorge, and the whole train will be destroyed. Do you think we should finally pull the brake?"

No, the Saucy: "No, they gave me a parachute. Got a couple for my sons and daughters."