I happened upon a book that I hadn't read in 15+ years while looking over my bookshelf last night titled "The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook" and it made me think about things I need to ensure my kids know. Common sense stuff, but stuff that may legitimately crop up. I'm starting a list if you fine folks would like to add to it:
-Always check the breaker/check for power before dicking with wires
-Don't mix cleaning solutions/chemicals
-To kick down a door, strike near the handle/lockplate with your heel
-If your car goes into water, release the seatbelt and try to roll the window down before you lose power. If you lose power, you have to wait until the car fills with water to open the door or else the pressure will pin the door closed.
-If lost in the woods, make shelter and stay put, preferably by a water source. Don't wander.
-Don't play cards with a man named after a city
What else you got?
And many things I know are now obsolete and unnecessary for you to learn. This is particularly true for all things electronics based and apparently math (at some point)
What I'll teach you instead is how to find the answers, methods, and tools to remain self-sufficient so you don't come to me, your mom, a nanny, or an overpriced contractor for every job/issue in life. As you take the time to do things yourself (even slightly wrong) you'll gain the confidence needed to do them the right way. And eventually you can teach me how to use my VR headset to order Pho directly from Vietnam because I'll be too stubborn to learn that shit myself.
And don’t stay outside filming it!
Specifically, how to max out credit cards and never pay a dime of interest. It's free money, people! My wife is a level 2000 expert and could write a book.
Everything depends on your ability to assess the quality of the information that is available. You can watch a YouTube video or read an article about just about every possible question, but if you can't reasonably discern truth from fiction you're hosed.
I mean it's not unusual (well, it shouldn't be) but it's a meta-skill.
I have a fancy BA and two Master’s degrees. And still, “Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing” was by far and away the most productive and practical course I’ve ever taken. It’s not even close. I think I still have the cd-rom somewhere in the basement.
There's a reason why in Hawai'i they're called "Widow Makers." This is the reason I found myself cutting coconuts down from the tree in our yard yesterday after cutting the lawn, something I never thought I'd say five years ago.
I was told more people die from falling coconuts than from alligators. In 18 months 3 people (2 of whom were drunk) in town were killed by alligators. I finally did some research. It’s shocking how scared people are of coconuts, and kind of amusing.
They are not widowmakers, but it’s funny to tell tourists and snowbirds.
and is over a foot long, top to bottom. Maybe not deadly, but from a height of 20 feet, it would certainly leave a mark.
Learn how to leave a job, and make them wish you never left.
Learn how to network at scale, and not be transactional about it.
Never, ever date a barrel racer.
I teach the first three things.
Learn how to graciously decline invitations to events, work, pity parties, peer pressure or anything outside your boundaries.
Not to mention the big “no” (as in “no means no”).
Specifically, loosening the lug nuts before jacking the car up and refastening them after lowering it back down. Saves a lot of aggravation.
Driving in snow. Practice turning out of skids in an empty parking lot.
Never try to keep up with eastern Europeans, period
Never try to keep up with foreigners that are serving their native drink. My natural tolerance is quite strong but I'm not going toe to toe with Poles drinking vodka, Aussies drinking beer, Scottish drinking whisky, French drinking wine, or a Mexican with a bottle of tequila and a dagger.
And, no, not by using jumper cables and somebody else's rig to start your battery. That's some boomer nonsense.
One of those jump starter brick thingies (like the one at the link below) should be in everybody's car. They hold a charge forever, but you should check & charge them on a quarterly basis to make sure you'll be good if/when you need to use one of them. Every driver should know (1) where their battery is located, (2) how to tell the difference between the positive and negative terminals, and (3) how the jumper cables attach to those terminals.
1 - You have one (1) minute to adjust to the ice cold water, try to breath normally and get your bearings, or you could be in trouble.
10 - You have ten minutes to get out of the icy water before hypothermia kicks in.
1 - You have one (1) hour to find shelter and bring your body temperature back to normal.
Everyone should be able to cook themselves a basic meal.
Things you will absolutely need at some point in your life
Basic Cooking
Basic Laundry
Basic Cleaning
Basic Pest Management
How to use a plunger
How to use screwdrivers, allen wrenches, hammer/nail (I would hope this doesn't need to be taught)
Everything else you can YouTube to understand/perform one job at a time. (changing a fluidmaster flush valve for example)
Ie how to use an AED, do CPR and preform the Heimlich maneuver. I’ve been certified since I was 12 (thanks Boys Scouts) and even though I’ve helped a lot of people at work I’ve never felt more personally responsible for saving a persons life then when i successfully preformed a Heinrich maneuver on an elderly women at a Culvers in Fargo. Out of the two dozen there I seemed to have been the only one who knew what to do. I can’t imaging being in that situation with a loved one and watching them die in front of you. Most hospitals and community centers will offer this to the general public, sign up, you never know when you can save a life.
Mom's gonna fix it all soon
Mom's comin' 'round to put it back the way it ought to be
Assuming it's clear, know how to find the north star off the big dipper to get bearings at night. It's not often useful with cell technology, but it's easy to learn as a backup.
Know how to make a fire. Even with a lighter, it is surprising to me how many people struggle to get a fire going.
This one may be controversial, but learn the basics of shooting/safety.
And make sure everyone in your family knows where they are.
Know how to change a tire (bonus: Know how to repair a puncture in a tire.)
Keep a set of jumper cables in your car and know how to use them.
Know how to drive a manual transmission.
I could have used it before the 1994 Northridge earthquake. It took me a while to find the shut off valves for our condo unit, and the resulting delay caused a fair amount of damage.
was attached to Santa Maria in Trestavere. This is maybe 10-12 years ago, and it was a local apartment, which was pretty decent, but typical old Rome - up a stair case, old stone, depressions, uneven, tilted so you hit the wall and your other shoulder nearly the other side. After a snack and a litre of wine at a small enoteca, we head back to the room. Up to floor 2, if I recall correctly, so on the third story. There is a small window at the floors and the half floors where you turn, a typical view of other balconies and walls, and then the door.
In, through a small kitchen, down a long hall where there is a bedroom and a bathroom street side. I get in the shower, nice and cold as was always the case in Rome then, and I hear a pretty loud bang - I figured a scooter or garbage truck in the piazza 15 meters away. I come out to water flowing down the hall to the bathroom and bedroom, surprise, not level. I get to the kitchen, and there is a small depression, full of ankle deep water, and the hot water heater (next to the kitchen in the open), 2 inch pipe just pouring water to the floor, shooting it is more accurate. I grab towels to make a dam and cannot find a shutoff on the machine, in the kitchen or anywhere, closets behind anything that moves / panels, in the building hall, and I am nervous about electrical now as I am standing in significant water.
Call after call to the owner, which is not being answered ... blowing the phone up. Finally they pick-up, I am informed that the shut off was down 1.5 floors, out the window on the side of the building (of course). Finally ... 4 guys show up after an hour maybe, evaluate, discuss calmly, I offer a moka and they each have a moka and ultimately I am told - it is being replaced tomorrow or the next day (I assume it will not be - but it actually was completed during my stay). Great, I walk out, water still pouring gently gliding down the stairs in the depressions, little waterfalls, out the side of SM attached apartment ... out on the street a giant puddle and flow to the old drain over the san piatrini. More wine, and thankfully, we cam back - no damage, as is old stone and tile and concrete homes. I was glad the house leaned toward the street and not the church, although unlikely there would have been damage, of course.
Ever since then, I always look for the water shutoff in a place I am staying - another large incident during the gut rehab on my house in Logan Square, but that is too much for a post (as this is probably the most I have ever posted).
but watch out for in your ear.
Don't date, sleep with or for God's sake marry a woman with an elaborate Southern accent.
If your college roommate is a 6'5" African American defensive end, towel off and dress in the shower stall.
When you hate your job but have to stick it out, IBS comes in real handy to balance the scales.
Don't ever go fishing, hunting, play golf, or clean the work shed with your mentally handicapped uncle who's on a bender. And if you do because your grandad told you to and he once killed a Nazi prison guard with a shovel at Buchenwald, then make sure your affairs are in order such as who gets your Soundgarden and OutKast CDs and your 1986 Dale Murphy TOPPS card.
Once you have 4 kids, seize every opportunity for sex you can find. Even if its cleaning the parish hall when no one is around or its taking a business shower covered in sand.
Did you ever write for Dear Abby?
Throw the shirt in the dryer with a few ice cubes. 10/ 15 min later the shirt is wrinkle free and as an added bonus it’s nice and warm as you put it on.
Another way, get that shower steaming hot and hang up the shirt right where the steam rises. 10 min later you have a steamed, wrinkle free shirt.
Irons are for suckers… and normal people who aren’t lazy AF
Any spray bottle will do
5 minutes on high
quien es mas perezoso?
shower is not angled out of the stall.
When I was in high school, we went on a class trip and were staying at a hotel. The first night, we had a dinner that was followed by a semi-formal event -- we were to eat and then change to go to the event. All of our shirts had been packed in suitcases and were very wrinkly so my buddies and I had the idea to steam them in the bathroom with the shower running while we ate dinner downstairs. What we didn't realize was when we turned on the shower the head was angled a bit and spraying water out of the bath.
5-10 minutes would've been a bit of a mess, but not a huge deal. 45 minutes while we ate dinner and we came back to a well-flooded bathroom that wrecked the ceiling of the room below us. Whoops.
When I was 14 years old, I worked for a landscape nursery. The owner was from The Netherlands and we called him "Mr. O" on account of the first letter of his last name. It was the type of job you could get when you are underage, it is a small business, and your 4-years-older sister's boyfriend works there and vouches for you. The type of job where your dad probably secretly chuckles because he is certain you will be exposed to things on your journey to manhood. The type of job where you find Mr. O's stash of Playboys and sneak one home, get buzzy headed chewing Redman tobacco as you push the mower, and drink Michelob at the 2 PM break because 1) you earned it; and 2) Mr. O needed one or his hands would shake. My dad was right.
One day, 14-year-old me was assigned to sweep up when finishing at a client's project. I just randomly started to sweep and make a mess. Mr. O kindly stopped me and said "Clean as you go, Moosie, clean as you go." and he showed me "start here, go there, and clean as you go." Sounds simple. But I was a dumbass suburban sheltered kid. I learned a lot for $1.65 per hour. I chuckle every year when opening my Social Security document and see 1976 as the year of first employment.
I apply "clean as you go" all the time to tasks from raking leaves, cleaning the kitchen, reviewing documents at work, to writing legal briefs. Really I use it for any task that seems overwhelming or complex. Start here. Go there. Clean as you go.
Maybe this is just common sense. But when I feel overwhelmed it helps me. Anyway, I think of that job, Mr. O, "clean as you go, Moosie," and a thousand lessons learned as a formative experience.
Start here. Go there. Clean as you go. Thanks for attending my TED Talk.
How to write a check. Checks are rapidly becoming a thing of the past, so most kids don't even have a checkbook. But they need to understand what a check is, how it is written out, etc.
Along those lines, how to balance a checkbook.
How to address and mail a letter.
How to call someone on the phone -- order a pizza, get information about an event, make or cancel a doctor's appointment, etc. A lot of kids get anxious about this stuff.
and kids don't know how to open it, not kidding!
My torts professor gave this advice to our class.
…leave one on the windshield of the car that you just accidentally hit in the parking lot and write on it “Sorry about hitting you. I will pay whatever it costs”
Should try to use metal lid, baking sheet, salt or baking soda to cut off oxygen to fire.
Pull(the pin), Aim(at the base of the fire), Squeeze(the trigger), and Sweep(back and forth).
When the fire extinguisher runs out, if the fire isn't out and you don't have another one right there, get away from the fire.
Who knew that the chemicals aren’t water soluble. Takes a long time to wipe up that mess in the 3A Quad.
How else would one use a fire extinguisher? SSAP? Not aim?
Common sense is sense for people who don't have enough sense to have good sense.
When you're outside, you want to wear cotton or synthetics so they can dry fast. This helped me 10 years ago when I broke through the ice on a stream in the Rockies while snowshoeing in February and found myself up to my chest in water. When I got out I jogged as hard as I could to build up body heat and was mostly dry by the time I made it the couple miles back to my car (except for my feet, my boots retained water inside).
You do not want to wear cotton -- you want to wear wool, right? Synthetics are OK too of course.
Since wool insulates even when wet?
Make sure someone is home and ideally have them hold the ladder when going up and coming down. I accidentally knocked the ladder over a couple weeks ago when preparing to come down and was hanging from the roof / gutter Griswold style. Luckily my wife was home and able to get the ladder back up.
Have witnessed two situations where people got pinned under cars when trying to move/push them in neutral. Have also unhooked a trailer on a slight incline and had it roll away. Don't get behind / under / near large things that can move.
Also Carbon monoxide risks in general (no heaters in tents, no generators indoors, don't hang out under a pontoon boat and/or near the motor, etc)
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger
And you don't mess around with Jim"
The other way better than this style”.
This is from personal experience. My children still talk about that day.
Also, never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line
Edited to include actual useful advice:
First aid for minor burns - cool water (not cold or ice) or cool cloth. Don't pop blisters. Keep the area from drying out afterwards with lotion.