Hope he's more Patrick Swayze than Chris Farley, but fair is fair.

wherewithal to stop what was about to happen. It's ultimately her fault, but the whole thing sounds out of control. I think it'd be tough to see her friends that were there and know what happened. Who could you trust?
"Hey John, I'm going out with my friends..."

I wonder who spilled the beans? (Other than the stripper/gigolo)

The only solution is for both of them to sign in here for an intervention/counseling.

I don't know what they were watching on TV, but the subject of hen parties came up. I guess a raunchy one was the subject, and John was laughing about it.

Ellie came back with, "What's the big deal, everyone does stuff like that, it's part of the tradition."

John: "I didn't do anything like that. Did you do something like that?"

Roll the ugliness.

Sounds like her MoH convinced her it was some of tradition to bang the stripper, and Ellie was flakey enough to fall for it. So blame it on the MoH and bury the hatchet.

Still worthy of some hellfire from John, but maybe it could be an opportunity for them to define what fidelity means for their marriage. If they are otherwise a great couple, closing the path to redemption may be something they might eventually regret.

Unless there are other things going on in the marriage, by itsself this would seem to be a huge but forgivable sin in the bigger scheme of life unlike, say, banging the fed ex guy or something.

And/or a horrible liar.

kind of acceptable “coming of age” event. The fact that she could casually blurt it out is beyond awkward. She completely misjudged and was trusting that he would view this behavior “casually”. He needs to understand where that came from...friends? Movies? Book? His past behavior she has knowledge of? Who knows? That questioning may give him some understanding/closure.

The whole thing’s sad. She seems very unaware and convinced that she was simply following a tradition. Therefore, it is not a big deal. That’s a big disconnect. What else is okay? Post man?

I hope there’s not a long list of weddings where she’s been a bridesmaid. If it goes in a divorce/annulment direction, he may be able to get a group rate...

it came about like this? Call me crazy, but I don't think she is all the remorseful about it.

And, like others have mentioned, I would be surprised if this was the only incident. I also suspect others knew as well, and decided to keep it from "John" also and didn't seem to interested in persuading "Ellie" to be thruthful about the event.

My wife and I are quite happy.