If you’re Irish, or just white and violent, I have the St. Paddy’s place for you. New York’s hottest Irish club is “Off to Church, Mother!” Located in the clogged heart of the Bronx at the corner of 3,000th Street and Garry Marshall Memorial Drive, this gang-ridden skateboard park was the ceremony spot for Verne Troyer’s 2004 wedding. This place has everything: peeps, TED Talks, Roman J. Israel, Esquire. And be sure to hit the dance floor and do a jig with Ireland’s hottest Farrah-chauns, leprechauns who look like Farrah Fawcett. But also, yes, Minister Farrakahn will be there.

-Stefon