Can I play?

I realize Betteridge says I can't.

1. The Internet constant: vehemence of a poster * intelligence of said poster = Internet Constant. A similar rule of thumb applies to spectators at a BB game.

2. Cameron Coefficient: Percentage of 50/50 basketball calls going in favor of the home team is a constant coefficient for that home arena

3. Cameron Corollary: The most enthusiastic fan in a TV picture of the basketball crowd is the guy who was always picked last for choose-up

4. Fallacy of Newtonian physics: The fact that a glancing bump from a 180 lb guard can poleax a 300 pound man is definitive proof that Newton was wrong. Choice 1 is the Dr Kyrie theory that the bigger man fell off the edge of the earth. Choice 2 is Schroedinger's Shaq: The big man is in a quantum state of being upright and sprawled out at the same time.

5. The number of drunks giving advice in a bar is inversely proportrional to the number of Twitter accounts. The bar drunk has not disappeared, just changed his turf.

6. The amount of information a gambler reveals is directly proportional to the amount of money he won

7. The best doctors in the world treat soccer players. No human being could walk, let alone score a goal, after the excruciating injuries players experience.